Dear Single Mothers: An Open Letter

Dear Single Mothers,

You’re going to be alone. I just have to tell you up front, you’re going to be alone and you’re going to be very lonely. These are two very separate and serious feelings.

You’re going to be alone. At the ultrasound where you find out the sex of your baby, you’re going to be alone. Maybe a family member or the father will come with you, but you’re going to be alone in your mind, in your heart.

You’re going to be alone at the delivery and reception of your newborn, red and screaming and looking for his mama. Your mother might be with you, and your doctors will be there, but you will be alone in your mind, in your heart.

You’re going to be alone at two a.m. when your baby wakes you up, hungry for comfort and warm arms. You’re going to be all alone when you haven’t slept for more than three hours, and there is vomit in your hair, and you have bags under your eyes, and you forget to brush your teeth for days because newborns are so much work.

You’re going to be alone for the first foods, the first words, the first steps, the first day of kindergarten. You will be alone at court dates, even if your attorney is present. Picking out daycares. Picking out clothes. Navigating healthcare. You will be alone.

Single mothers, you are going to be alone.

You’re also going to be lonely. Don’t confuse this for being alone. Lonely is different.

You’re going to be lonely when you see other parents at the doctors office, holding hands and cooing over the round belly of the soon-to-be mother. You’re going to recognize that you have no partner, even if the father will be in the picture. You’re still going to feel lonely.

You’re going to be lonely when you drive your baby home from the hospital to a house only the two of you share. You’re going to be lonely when your baby smiles for the first time, enjoys music for the first time. You’re going to want to share that with your partner. You may send a photograph when it happens to a friend, or your parents may be there for it, but you will be lonely.

You will be lonely when you find your partner because it will take so much time for them to love your child the way you do. You will be lonely when you realize the relationship between you and your child is unique, and you will wish he had that relationship with two parents.

You are going to be a lonely woman.

But there is something else you are going to be.

You are going to be amazed.

You will be amazed that even though you are alone and lonely, you will forget about it.

You are going to be amazed at the people who come through for you in times of need. Your parents, siblings, your friends, your co-workers, your doctor.

You are going to be amazed at your ability to just do. You will sleep for two hours, get up, love your baby with all of your passion, go to work, pay the bills, and do it again. And you will be amazed at your ability.

You will be amazed with your baby. You will be amazed at their beauty, their intelligence, and the love you have for them. You will be amazed that you created this beautiful human that came into the world because of you.

You will be amazed that some day you will find a partner who loves your child as much as you do.

You will be amazed how time flies. The months where your baby doesn’t sleep, you will be amazed at how quickly they pass by. You will be amazed that in two shakes of a lambs’ tail your baby will be smiling, laughing, walking, spelling, reading… and you will be amazed that you were the one who helped him do it.

You will be amazed at how selfish you were before your child, and rightfully so. You will be amazed at how selfless you can become. You will be amazed that you thought you couldn’t do it alone, and then amazed that you did it.

Dear single mothers: You will be alone.

Dear single mothers: You will be lonely.

Dear single mothers: You will be amazed.

And rightfully so.

Remember these three things, and I personally guarantee you, you will make it through.

Sincerely,

Experience

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3 thoughts on “Dear Single Mothers: An Open Letter

  1. This assumes that none of the women in the couples you see are lonely or alone. For example between my two sons I had a terrible miscarriage and I was in the hospital with both my mother and husband. In the cubical next door another woman was on her own also having a miscarriage and yet I was so unsupported, alone and lonely and still cry when I think back to that day. I was alone and lonely my whole marriage but couldn’t put my finger on what was making me so sad. Abusive marriages both physical and mental exist so never assume anything about anyone. I am a single parent now though really I have always been a single mother and I feel less alone and lonely now because I am slowing finding and appreciating me.

    • Hi there,
      I certainly was not discounting other lonely or alone parents. I was merely specifically commenting on the plight of single parents. One can be alone in many sense, I was just speaking of one. No assumptions were made of other people in this, merely speaking from my own experience as you are speaking from yours.

      I’m very sorry to hear about how lonely and sad you were in your own marriage. What a terribly sad thing and I hope that you are in a better place now.

      Kind Regards,
      Jennifer

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